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Ochi: JOURNAL

New Horizons - June 10, 2019

Hopefully this year means new horizons in terms of collaborations, refocusing, and a different direction in terns of musical styles.  The genres will remain fluid but the musicality may change, incorporating more life experiences. 

I know I have grown as a person and hopefully that growth will translate even more creatively.  I try to remain open allowing my growth to manifest itself whenever, wherever, and however necessary in my life.  By doing so I have been blessed throughout my life to experience at times the ride of a lifetime. 

Book Release!!! It's Done!! - April 30, 2018

From my book recently released an excerpt written when I was still a teen.


Not in Our Family

 

Jesus saves but apparently not me 

Christian love? I didn’t see. 

Homosexuals, the choir director pansy,

They loved ’em all, just fine and dandy.

With welcomed arms, they took them in.

Gay co-workers, deacons, ministers - all friends.

Then, here I come, as gay as all else!

Proud and open, not ashamed of myself!       

What was I thinking?

I should’ve seen it coming! 

there was no slow motion running!

No one embraced me!

No love was felt, unless you consider, 

the sting of the belt

Whippings didn’t change me.

They only enraged me.

I was confused, what did I do?

I was gay like Clarence, out like Rose 

I lived in the church and sat on the front row!

they liked these people! so why not me?

They were all from other families.

Ah! Now I see. I know my crime.

I opened the blinds for the world to see 

Now, they couldn’t judge others - thanks to me? 

And for that, I’m called spiteful, just a bad seed.

 

Age 19 ½  

 

After what seemed forever the book is finally out and available for purchase through Amazon.  I know you will enjoy it. Thank you for your love, support and of course your patronage.  

Update - There Here and Now! - February 17, 2018

Wow!!! As usual 2018 ended and began with vigor, exciting and maintenance issues. lol Why me lord, why me? Well better me I say because I am blessed with the where with all to handle it.  This year brought the continued headache from Hurricane Harvey.  Yeah he just won't quite giving. That damage lead to mice issues because my home was left vulnerable to unwanted visitors by way of weep holes in the bricks, and missing or falling screens that covered the soffits.  Alas I can say I prevailed and have moved forward more prepared and wiser for the trials endured.

Working what seems endless hours on a full and part-time job, I have little time to lolligag and of personal time - well that comes when I am in the bathroom. Those precious few moments are now sacred to me.  Do I miss my time with you all?  Heck yes and I am doing everything I can to get back with unimagined forward momentum, renewed drive and unbridled creativity.  Continued to stay tuned and feel free to visit me on Facebook.  

Whats coming up in 2018?

  • A vegan cookbook
  • A completed segment of I Am Who I Am
  • A book of quotes
  • Some possible historical presentations 

Building A Dream - August 23, 2017

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Sometimes I wonder why is life so hard?  Is it designed to be this way to separate the weak from the strong, the serious from the pretenders? Is it designed to build us up for battles to come or is it just me? The setbacks keep coming and I just roll with the punches and get up swinging.  I won't give up on my goals. Anytime someone goes against the grain it will always be an uphill climb.  

I like the challenge especially when successful.  Even when not there is so much that I learn.  Dreams are a wonderful opportunity to grow forward.  They push us if we allow them, pass our boundaries into the unknown, forcing us to broaden our horizons.  

I began this creative journey in 2005 and I have certainly grown.  I am in love with the process, the setbacks and the victories.  I like making music, writing lyrics and creating beats.  Even more I love when you love what I come up with.  5 new beats are done and now I am composing lyrics to go with them.  I hope to deliver something by the years end but I won't rush the process.  I want each new project to be better than the last.

Dating With Children - July 27, 2017

Hell In A Hand Cart - July 27, 2017

Somali-refugees-530x325.jpgAm I the only one seeing red these days? There is an assault on the lives of children that is sickening.  It's not new but it has certainly increased in the so called, "developed world."  As for the other parts of the world I places like The Congo it is business as usual.  How we can ignore this says so much about us as a society.  How we justify it under the label of "what happens in war," makes me sick to my very stomach.  There is so much we need to protest.  We struggle with government corruption, poor oversight, corporate greed, capitalism, and old fashion bigotry.  That certainly  makes for a full plate.  We have choices though we an silently accept it or we can fight back and grow forward.

 

In the meantime the murders and abuse of young innocent children must stop.  The blatant disrespect, degradation and humiliation of women must stop.  We need to get it together or be sorry as we are now.  Americas current state of affairs politically should be an excellent indication of what happens when we don't vote, when we don't speak up, when we are fractioned and undecided. Just because we do nothing doesn't mean nothing will happen.  Our indecision, fears, laziness and self interest does not stop the world from turning.  

The Storm Is Here - March 26, 2017

overu.jpgAs we look over the turbulence that we call our government, regardless ones belief we must as the old people said, "watch, fight and pray."  The American government has gone to the dogs.  We are screwed 2 ways to Sunday.  If The Donald stays in office the country we fall into more disgrace and political, economic, social, racial chaos.  If he resigns or is impeached we will suffer under the Nazi boots of Pence.  The Republicans knew what they were doing.  They played a perfect hand. We must shut the game down and let all politicians know that our lives are not something for fodder. We may not matter to them but we matter to ourselves and to one another.  It's time we put our needs first.

Healthare or Bust - January 15, 2017

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Repealing and Kill Plan - November 14, 2016

The hate mongers are so excited that it is the final leg of President Obama's administration.  They can smell a return of an old, new day.  The Donald calls it making America Great again.  It is really taking American Back, again not that anyone other than the rich and mighty have ever owned it.  Once Obama leaves office it is back to business as usual.  The greed will return 4 fold, no more transparency, back to the red tape era, and deals made in back rooms and golf courses rather than in the halls of government.  They will be made by people with deep pockets and cold hearts.  The Republicans want to attack Obamacare and repeal it because who they need to attack - the Insurance Companies have politicians on their payrolls.  98880780-insurance-companies-commercials-hd-valenti-trobec-chandler-wallpaper_resized.jpg

Black Lives Matter - August 1, 2016

de0_resized.jpgRecently, thanks to camera phones and social media the world is getting the opportunity to see the realities faced by people of color and especially those of African descent.  It is an ugly reality that many now comprehend the lyrics, "everybody want to sing my blues, nobody want to live my blues." Many have banned with us to take a stand against unfair police brutality while even more stand against us.  America seems to be at a loss when it comes to the age-old question of the "Negro" problem.  What's wrong in America and across the world is not a "black" problem.  We suffer from the hatred of others but it is not a problem held by us.  It is a problem Suffered by us.  The problem is one of the person or people who harbor the hatred.  It is a societal problem as well as a political problem.  It is an issues white America and whites everywhere have yet to come to terms with and that is - how they truly feel about black and brown people, why they feel the way they do and how can they justify their feels against their religious beliefs?  

For years when it came to religion the choice was clear - manipulate the text to conform to the attitude and thereby justify the behavior.  Then create laws that support the same and also base them on manipulated religious text (even though there is supposed to be a separation of church and state.) and you have the perfect recipe for hatred and denial.  

We have all heard the not so subtle argument that many of the slain blacks were killed in a commission of a crime. Some yes had committed a crime but that crime was not one that warranted death.  Their behavior when apprehended was not to such a degree that it warranted death.  In all cases they were neither presenting a threat at the time, they were unarmed and some were actually fleeing the scene when killed.  In all cases there was no threat to the officer charged with the brutal and unnecessary murder.  This is why we say Black Lives Matter.

It is true that we are not alone in the unnecessary murder of suspects in police custody.  We do not hold a monopoly on police involved shoots.  What we do hold is the frequency in which blacks are murdered while in police custody, the number of blacks killed in police involved shoots while in custody and a complete and utter disregard for the truth and access to justice once the murders afterwards.  There is a blatant disregard for black life.  There is a blatant disregard for justice when it comes the taking of a black life.  

As we argue, debate and question what may or may not be going on in our society the police have not stopped their assault on black people.  Several have been killed in the midst of this most public of conversation.  Still many choose to turn a blind eye and pretend that, "the emperor has clothes."

After the Paris bombing, the response around the world was swift to not only condemn the action but to seek out retaliation towards those who committed the act and bring down heaven and hell upon them.  200 women and girls were abducted in Nigeria and to date nothing has been done on their behalf, not even by their own government.  Why? Because even many blacks have been brainwashed into believing that Black Lives do not Matter.  A black man (Philando Castile) was shot and killed in his vehicle, hands up because the officer was supposedly afraid for his safety.  Sandra Bland was arrested for no legal reason and now she is dead as a result we are told from a fabled trashcan liner, in a pretend trashcan since we know – THERE ARE NO TRASH CANS IN LOCK UP!!! We are swift to be convicted but slow to receive justice.  Her mouth did not get her killed it was her boldness in speaking the truth and her lack of fear that got her killed.

The government and police official are concerned about the shooting of police officers.  They are concerned about blacks being radicalized by Islam.  Islam is not radicalizing black people white supremacy, injustice at home and abroad, being treated not even as 2nd class citizens more like no citizens, our disenfranchisement, our being misrepresented in the media that is the cause of our radicalization.

When we constantly hear words like justice, liberty, equality and those words do not apply to us yet we are called upon to defend the very rights we do not have – we are long over do in our anger, in our outrage in becoming radicalized.  We are not asking for war we are being pushed into defending ourselves.

Where are those good officers?   Why are they silent?  Why do they stand around watching in silence while fellow officers beat, tasered and kill non-threatening black citizens?  We do not support crime or wrong doing of our people but we do ask for equal protection under the law and the same treatment as anyone else.  Twelve year old, Tamir Rice was not a threat, Eric Garner was not a threat, Sandra Bland was not a threat, Philando Castile was not a threat, nor was Yvette Smith or Bettie Jones who just happened to open her front door as police were outside on another call.  We are tired of no one being convicted let alone charged.  We are tired of dying. We are tired of all they lying.  We are tired.  No white person would have suffered and endured what we have.  No not one!!!

 

OVERWHELMED UNDER ESTIMATED - November 1, 2015

Hi Family,

Well I'm hard at it as usual.  Rather than slow down like a good running back I keep my feet moving even while in the grasp in hopes of breaking free.  I've one semester left in Grad school.  Yea. Then who knows?  It's either on to the doctorate or traveling abroad.  Then again maybe it will be both.  I would like that much better. One goal at a time right.  

Now here is the question many of you are probably asking what's up with the music?  Music is my first love and I am passionate about it.  I am also a realist.  Fans download free more than purchase these days.  Making music is much easier than it was 20 years ago but that ease of creation has given way to problems of revenue. Many have proven that it is possible to carve out a descent living without the aid of major record labels.  We may not have Beyonce money but we take pride in retaining our privacy, our artistic control and our souls.  All things money cannot buy, replace, justify nor pacify. At the end of the day it's important to be able to look in the mirror and feel good about oneself and your project.  As of to date I can do.  

That's why I work and education myself in other areas of life.  I believe in the fall back plan.  Also, history is apart of what I do.  In order to be an intelligent writer one must be intelligent.  How can I be expected to educate and entertain if I have not thought about, learned about and or experienced life to it's fullest.  We already have people in front of cameras saying all sorts of non-sense and their adorning public mindlessly follows along.  I want not only to attract intelligent critical thinkers but I want to create them as well.  Art should uplift, enlighten, encourage, inspire, enrage, beautify, illuminate and yes entertain all in one.  If we don't do this we have not properly done our jobs.  

Mass production doesn't always equate quality.  Allow me to be slow and give you my best rather than fast and unworthy of your time, your minds, hearts and money.  Have a blessed and productive month.  I certainly will.

Slowly But Surely - September 20, 2015

I'm on my second to last semester in school.  I'm writing like crazy.  I've several new songs under my belt, new beats and 2 scripts.  I'm connecting with movers and shakers (I'm the only hold out.  Time commitments.) Life is good I just returned from a 2 week stay in Nigeria where I was reenergized.  Life and people are amazing and just when we think we've seen and heard it all something new happens.

Before I sign off this is just a reminder that things really do get better.  Last week Sept. 15 to be exact an aunt whom I had not spoken to in close to 30 years because of her abusive, homophobic nature called me and apologized.  YES!! She said I'm sorry for not accepting you.  Now I could have blasted her, shamed her or hung up in her face for over 40 years of intolerance.  I let her know that I had forgiven her years ago and that whatever life had in store for her was between she and her maker.  As far as I was concerned she was forgiven. I said I disliked how she treated me but loved her.  I did not need revenge that I was blessed with healing long ago.  We now talk and have so far enjoyed several good conversations.  She has learned in the span of a few short days that she has missed out on knowing a really good person.  My not being in her life was her loss.  

Love don't hate.  Don't be vengeful.  Work towards your success and happiness and never let others control your actions, not your destiny nor define your existence.  Captain your ships and sail gayly into your futures.

Happy Birthday To Me - November 16, 2014

Well with another birthday in the books now (55) I am blessed to see yet another year of life. So many have gone on into to reality of a different kind. This year has brought joy, sadness and newest of many different kinds. This year was about memories. It was about life progressions and the understanding of where I began and the journey that got me to my current position. There was no condemnation, no regrets just understanding and appreciation. So, 55 is that halfway mark between the major growth of 60. Reflection must be crucial to what is to come. I have to wait and see.

Life Happens - September 10, 2014

Ok I've got a full-time job, a part-time job and I'm in school full-time.  Need I say more?  It will be a while before I get back online here and before I finish the music I've been working on.  Say it ain't so but I sure will miss you all. 

China Trip - June 16, 2014

Just learned after taking all those Chinese language classes and Chinese history class I won't be going to China. The travel aboard program sponsored by the university in Beijing said no one over 30.  That clearly lets me out. Darn I was ready.  That's ok.  I get a summer break from classes and papers.  I'll work on my life, my house and enjoy my dog.  Might even get some music done. Who knows  we'll see.

One Bad Apple - May 20, 2014

Somewhere in eternity Steve Jobs is rolling in his grave.  Let go Steve and rest in peace.  There is little you can do at this point.  You began a legacy that clearly someone took offense to and thought they could do better. Guess what?  NOT!!!  Apple, apple, apple please go back to what you know.  I can't take much more of this.  It's bad and I'm bleeding from the ears, eyes and under my nails.  Apple thought they were capitalist under Jobs at least gave us our loyalty worth and money's worth.  We were among the elite of the laptop owning society.  Now we are as common as a sports bar on a hot teen girl.  So not special everyone has seen our boobs.  Apple is vulnerable now to hackers, stuff never works and they constantly want more though they give us less.  PC is beginning to look good as they improve their brands.  

Why am I talking about this? I have a new computer, I have new software and I paid for one on one classes to ensure I could properly use all this new technology.  We so far I've produced nothing new as you all can see. I've lost crucial data with computer crashes and I had to redo everything I wrote and or edited twice now.  I'm taking it all in stride and focusing on what good has happened.  I have a better project and I know when I do release it all you will love it.  I know it will be worth the wait.  Great songs, funked up beats and the documentary.  OMG!! That's all I'm gonna say about that. lol 

March Madness - March 15, 2014

This is a man's world and justice is a blind white woman.  Yeah I wrote those lyrics.  Profound enough I feel that I really don't need to say much but I will. lol  Society and I won't say American or anyone because I believe this point I'm about to make applies to every society all over the world.  Anyway, so society defers to the ruling class and allows cliche's such as, "this is a man's world," to become reality.  It wasn't a mans world but it has become a man's world.   Might has pretended to make right.  The results have been devastating; war, poverty, global warming, spiritual disconnectedness, lawlessness, genocide. Shall I continue?  Surely you get the idea.  The fact that it has become a man's world is not a good thing. What the world needs is balance.   

Gone But Not Forgotten - February 16, 2014

Ok family stop talking about me so badly.  Don't you just hate when you visit a website and see from the dates that the site hasn't been updated in quite some time?  I do it makes me wonder how serious that individual is. Well I've been missing in action and for that I'm sorry.  I had to limit my online activities in order to get things done.  So I had to make a choice which sites to keep up with regularly and I chose Facebook.  Why?  Simple it was the only one I could remember my password too so quickly. lol Embarrassing right?  Yes indeed.  

I've gotten a new computer and because it is so much more advanced than my older computer (Mac) I had to upgrade all the software then relearn how to use the programs.  Old film file footage could not or would not easily transfer to they new system so I've spent hours and hours re-editing.  Not happy at all but feeling blessed to have a better working system.  

Aside from the film conversions I've been creating the music to accompany the documentaries and the still conducting interviews.  If I say so myself and I will.  There's some pretty powerful stuff coming down the creative tubes. I hope you are all ready.  

So don't forget about me and please continue to call the radio stations both online and physical and request my music.  Your participation and encouragement is greatly needed and appreciated.  Keep praying for me and as always I shall send out positive energy for you and yours.

New Year - January 20, 2014

Happy Belated 

New Years!!!!!!

May 2014 be yet another year

that finds you and yours 

too blessed to stress.

In 2014 don't just talk

about be about.

Remembering there is no time

like the present time.

So that it and run with it.


Blessed and Highly Favored - August 25, 2013

For the last 10 days I have awaken to a new sense of purpose, joy and realization that I should not feel guilty, ashamed or suspicious about being happy and blessed.  I am and have worked diligently over the course of my 53  years to be in the position I am now, wealthy beyond compare.  No not monetary wealth but mental, spiritual and physical wealth.  Change the order if you like to me it matters not.  I am so rich happy that I have learned the true value of life and have lived long enough to appreciate it so I can enjoy the bounty there of.  Who cares about money when you don't have your health?  Who needs love when you lack the mental and spiritual where with all to appreciate and recognize it?  I can see the love I have in my life.  I appreciate it.  I embrace it daily, no moment by moment.  People see my take it or leave it attitude and think I am arrogant or stuck up.  LOL if they only knew that laugh is well deserved.  Nope no arrogance here.  Just me not squandering my heard earn blessings on people or things not worth of me.  That would be like giving a child a brand new riding lawnmower.  You know when you come home the grass won't be cut but the darn thing will be out of gas because he drove all over the neighborhood. He or she would see it as a toy to be played with.  My heart is no toy.  I release the foolishness in my life and the people who seek to bring drama and chaos.  We can love folks that are detrimental but that doesn't mean keeping them close.  Only an idiot follows that, "keep your enemy close" philosophy.  I've learned to keep a healthy distance from anything or anyone that seeks to do me harm whether that be on purpose or just because that's who they are.  Pain is pain whether accidental or on purpose, so avoid it.  We don't need pain to tell us we are alive.  I know I am alive by the sound of my own laughter and the ache i get in my side.  I know I'm alive when I can feel peaceful and I revel in the sound of birds chirping, wind blowing and the sun on my face.  That's living.  

In conclusion of you have toxic people in your life remove the titles such as mom, dad, sister or daughter and then evaluate how they treat you.  When we look at these individuals as just people and not by their title of family etc. then we realize that it is alright and necessary to eliminate them from our inner circle, from our lives. Toxic moms are toxic and we owe them nothing just because they brought us into this world.  We didn't ask to come.  We are simply by products of their love, lust or economic scheme. Moving on does not mean or imply the need for hatred, anger or malice.  Moving on is quite the opposite.  It requires love based on the need for self preservation.  Just be clear before you remove who or what you think is toxic in your life that you check yourself and ensure that you are not the toxicity.  We've all seen that. lol  Today I awoke feeling lighter than I did last Sunday and that is a blessing  that I won't give up.  Enjoy your day, enjoy your week, enjoy your life.

What's Next - August 11, 2013

Just when I think I know where I'm headed and what I'm doing - BAM!!!! Life throughs me a curve ball.  I have said it once and I'll say it again, I make my own plans and just when I try to implement them life let's me know the real plan.  It is never what I came up with and it's always better than what I had in mind.  So here's my update.

During the first week of August I went on my first interview for a job and before I finished the application some guy who claimed to be the friend of the owner interrupts me and said, (wait for it) I looked like his wife. He said I was beautiful and that he knew I was basically a hoe. Hmmmmm!  Now was that because I looked like his wife and she is a hoe or (Yeah I like the ebonic spelling. lol) is it because he thinks he knows something about me?  Neither!! He decided since he thought me fine and single then I had to be a hoe because as stated no woman (ME) keeps all that body to herself.  lol Yes I fell out in his face.  How could I take this ridiculous little man seriously.  Naturally, I came back with who are you and I am offended by this line of conversation.  To which he never missed a beat and asked wouldI attend church with him and his wife.  I said I had no intention of attending any church services or anything else with him and my doppleganger.  I told him I needed to return to my application and he departed.  By the way this is the abridged version for the sake of time.  Moments later the phone in the office rings and I hear an argument on the phone.  It was supposedly about a patient.  Right!!! The manager who engaged in the argument had the receptionist tell me that my interview was cancelled and that they would call me to reschedule.  Do I look like Bonnie Foofoo? I had already decided that place was not for me due to the line of questioning.  The world we live in.  

Driving home from the interview I received a call from the Business School (I had not applied to any graduate programs.  I was not going to grad school) they want me to enroll because they have an internship lined up that they want to place me in next year.  Say what???!!!  Why me? Simple says the lady, "I see you around campus working hard.  It's clear you are determined and motivated.  You are intelligent and articulate.  You are the kind of people we look for in our school and department.  So I applied and I guess I'm going to grad school. That job would have been in the way as a 9 - 5.  Ain't life something?  A door closed another opened and like my grandmother always said, "becareful what you do, people are always watching."  So on this fine Sunday afternoon let me leave you with this.  God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good.  MBA here I come.

Still Doing My Thang - May 28, 2013

Well let's see family where are we?  It's been far too long but hopefully when you haven't chatted me up here we've connected on twitter or facebook.  I try to stay connected and participate in this digital age but the truth is I miss old fashioned methods of communication like; touching, full sentences and correct grammar. lol I know, I know I'm a relec right?  Well I am who I am and it is what it is.  See I can be in. lol lmbo.  Even use text language.  

So, if you're wondering what's new on the home front here it is.  The 1st of 4 documentaries is almost done.  I'm about 50% at this point.  The music for the documentaries is coming along rather smoothly I might add and the interviews are all but wrapped up.  I've spent the last few weeks editing and reediting.  Once the first round of editing is done then I begin the 2nd round which involves quality of clips and the quality of conversation.  Who cares what I'm talking about if no one wants to see it.  I want to ensure the subject matter is engaging and that people really enjoy watching.  My overall goal is to create desire for additional documentaries, more affirming music and more people to go out and shoot their own stories.  We are millions of people with millions of stories and none are the same.  Let's share them and grow. 

I believe aside from the interesting people that I've taped the subject matter is also interesting.  I try to keep the dialogue moving and never let you get bored.  We'll see in just a few weeks if I've met my objectives. Meanwhile, hit me up on facebook, twitter and please keep buying my music.  I need all the support I can get.  It helps keep me motivated when I know someone out there is listening and buying.  Have a good one.  

I'm Done!!!!! - May 13, 2013

Well after 5 years of study, (hey I'm not like Sarah Palinlol) as a double baccalaureate I finally graduated Saturday, May 11, 2013.  Regrettably I didn't get my 2nd bachelors they said after further review I did need a minor after I had been told I did not.  Hey they can withhold the paper but not the knowledge. lol So with one degree in the herstory books I'm now on the the next chapter of my life.  I can feel it already, it's going to be an exciting one. Keep your eyes open for the documentaries.  I'm so not done and I've been working on them relentlessly. Unfortunately, I still have to eat and pay bills in the meantime to survive.  While also wait for it, wait for it.  I tried dating. lol Yes me!  Who knew.  I don't know if I was any good at it.  I'm single again so maybe that says something. lol lmbo.  It was fun, it was real, it was real fun but I prefer the lesbian style of dating, lunch and a haul. lol When I post again we're going to talk about his dating thing.  I've got some thoughts on that. lol

Surviving the Madness - December 30, 2012

Well it's that time of year once again as we all prepare to say good-bye to the old year and hello to our futures.  It has truly been a wonderful and enlightening trek of road 2012.  I've learned so much about myself how about you all?  I have had so many eye opening revelations.  The funny thing is people don't realize that you can experience an awakening and still no change.  Say what? How is that possible Ochi.  Simple, realizations don't necessarily equal change they are just awarenesses.  I spent the majority of my year sorting through some of my life issues.  I'm glad to say I understand them and I even know where they originated.  Then it hit me in just this last week that after all my pondering and digging I didn't solve the problems just came to understand and appreciate them. lol Isn't that a kick in the rubber parts? So 363 days later and I get it.  It's all about the process.

  • Admit to having a problem
  • Identify the problem
  • Understand the origination of the problem
  • Don't waste time bashing yourself or blaming others
  • Make reasonable goals to rectify the problem
  • Take it a step at a time.
  • Surround yourself with people who can identify with you & have proven success in the area
  • Remember that with every success there will be failures along the way.

 

So, what was my big problem? Loneliness.  Loneliness quickly becomes depression.  Depression is a silent often misread condition.  I wanted someone to talk to, to share my load.  Whether this is my fate or just this portion of the journey I had to see it for what it is and accept things as they are.  For me medication is not a cure.  I didn't want to mask my emotions.  Drugs didn't have the ability to change my reality just how I dealt with my reality. Therefore, drugs aren't the answer for me.   I wasn't feeling suicidal, angry or a danger to myself or others.  I just didn't feel like doing anything.  Hmmm, that's something I can fix, one day at a time.  I know I seem alone but there are millions of people in the world just like me going through all the same things.  They over came and so will I.  

I've learned in 2012 that loneliness leads to procrastination, laziness and complacency.  All that turns into fear, self-doubt, anger and eventually loss. In time one can lose his or her way and become side tracked.  I began to misdiagnosis my problem.  I stopped looking in the mirror and began looking without rather than within.  My laziness became someone else's fault.  

This is how I handle my life and my loneliness/depression.  

  • Aim for adequate sleep
  • Eat properly no junk foods
  • Exercise nothing fancy - on every commercial
  • Make a list each day of my life and complete as many things as possible.
  • Pray and meditate daily
  • Finally celebrate each success just like that smoking commercial
  • Don't be embarrassed to ask for help if and when I need it.

That's it for me folks.  I hope this has helped you as much as it has helped me to write.  Good luck and fare thee well.  As always,

 

Ochi

Winding Down - December 12, 2012

This has been such a cool year family.  I have truly been blessed.  Not doing musically everything I should I keep getting side tracked. Sorry fans.  I've met the most interesting people.  They have blessed my life as a result of knowing them.  I have laughed, cried and prayed with them.  We have truly bonded.  They thought I inspired them but in fact they were the ones who inspired me.  So, lets keep the inspiration ball a rolling and end this year with a positive bang.

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